China makes me sick...literally...

Maybe it's the pollution. Maybe it's the lack of heat and hot water. Maybe it's the 50+ people put into a small room. I don't know, but China makes me sick. This is the 3rd time i've been really sick since being here. Food poisioning twice and now a horrible cold. I've been unable to breathe normally since Tuesday and I see no signs of it letting up anytime soon. Luckily, my students have exams Monday - Wednesday so I don't have to teach. I'll teach Thursday and Friday and then head off on my vacation (hopefully, feeling better). I'll be leaving on Jan 24th to Bangkok where i'll stay for 2 days before going into Cambodia to see the famed Angwor Wat. Then, i'll swing back through Bangkok and on to Phuket and other beachy spots along the Thai coast! What kind of sickness do we think i'll pick up there??? Probably something extremely rare knowing my luck.
Until next time,
K

Oh yeah...

I don't like the way no one comments on my blog. It makes me feel sad and unloved.

One. Two. Three. Floor.

I unfortunately do not have photographical evidence of my adventure last night. Joan and I decided to buy Tang (AKA TOM) a bottle of Tequila and teach him and Wen (AKA JACK) and the other guys at the restaurant how to do Tequila shots (with lemons; no limes in China). During my teaching training we were exposed to the "I do, we you, you do" method. So, I did. We did. And they did. Then I did. Then I did again. And again. And again. By the end of the night we finished the entire bottle of tequila and about 6 or 7 large beers. Only Tom liked the Tequila. Actually, i'm pretty sure one of the guys threw up after he tried it. I don't remember many of our conversations, but Jack and I definitely brought our "relationship" out in public. We left around 1 am and as I tried to get onto Jack's motorcycle, i fell completely backwards and hit the ground. Hard. So, now i'm probably known as the drunk, mentally challanged lao wei who literally cannot communicate with her boyfriend to most of Youxian. Yay me.

Shen me?

Thus far I’ve done a pretty decent job of keeping up with my blog. Your welcome. I know your life is much improved from reading the rantings of an overambitious, somewhat sexually frustrated American girl in China. Like everything in China, New Year’s Eve was a night of unusual and WTF moments. (For those who don’t speak teen WTF = What. The. Fuck. (Excuse the language fam.) The night began with a simple and relaxing hair wash, head massage and trim. Hair dressers in China however do not know what a trim is. Either that or they just really f*cking hate me. Basically, I’m wearing a hair helmet. It’s super short on the top (4 or 5 inches long) and it gets longer and longer. Yes, I realize it sounds like a simple hair layering style. In America when you get your hair layered, the hair gets thicker as it gets longer – most of the hair is long, with small shorter layers. This is the opposite. The majority of my hair is short and then a small hand full is long. I have a Chinese mullet. ‘Nuff said.

After the anger subsided Joan and I got dolled up and headed to Tang’s restaurant. If you’ve read my previous entries you’ll remember Tang is our friend and the owner of the restaurant at which Wen Yong Ping (my…boyfri….my friend who is a boy) works. We met Wen, Tang and our friend Emma there for what turned into a huge New Year’s Eve dinner. Tang’s restaurant is amazing. Because Joan and I don’t read characters we always order the same thing: eggplant, beef, noodles, and rice. Tang decided to surprise us with some new dishes, one of which was fish head – apparently eating it on NYE is good luck in China. After dinner and many beers and shots of Vodka we headed to KTV where we were meeting Derek and Heather, our other WT buddies.

[SIDE NOTE]Derek and Heather are currently beside me reading. Derek just informed me that he reads my blog from time to time so I’d like to take a moment to get him and heather a quick shout out. They took a bus, a train, and 2 taxis to get to Youxian from his town last night. They traveled from 12 pm until 9:30 just to spend NYE with us in Youxian. J Thanks guys!!!! [END SIDE NOTE]

So, as we were walking to KTV we stopped at an extremely expensive bakery. I was standing outside when Wen Yong Ping walked out with a small box of chocolate for me. I was giddy to say the least. When we got to KTV – “mei you” rooms. Apparently all of Youxian decided to go to KTV for New Year’s. At the 3rd KTV, we went to the “waiting area” which was actually reminiscent of an American karaoke bar – one huge stage, a bar and a ton of drunken idiots. Joan and I were the first to walk in. Time we opened the doors a literal swarm of men surrounded us telling us to “SING SING SING” and pushing to towards the stage. Guess we were the entertainment for the evening. They were also shoving glasses of beer in our face (which I was not complaining about.) So, in front of about 30 or 50 Chinese people and 2 other Americans Joan and I sang “Yue Liang Da Baio Wo de Xin” (“The Moon Represents My Heart”) China’s equivalent to “My Heart Will Go On.” I must toot my own horn here and say, we rocked it! I should totally get paid for my singing skills.

Eventually we got our private room and enjoyed the night singing to Backstreet Boys, Michael Jackson and various other annoying pop singers. Wen and I are both very very shy (who knew, right?) so it was hard to get us next to each other. Towards the end of the night Tang took the initiative to grab my hand and put it into Wen’s hand. J Total high moment… Naturally, everyone in the room was staring at us (including my student’s mother.) We gave up our singing careers at 2 am and headed home. Wen and I said good night at his restaurant and we parted ways. Joan, Derek, Heather and I began the 30 minute trek to my apartment. Half way to my apartment Wen pulled up on his motorcycle and offered me a ride. Again, I’d like to reiterate the fact that he doesn’t speak English and I do not speak Chinese (especially when I’ve been drinking.) After we got to my school we walked in awkward but pleasant silence to my apartment. After about 10 minutes of practicing Chinese and English the rest of my wei guo ren friends showed up. It was now 3 am so Wen said he had to go. I walked him to the gate of my school and…..wait for it….wait for it…..wait for it…..yep…we had our first kiss. I kissed a Chinese boy and liked it.

Paradise Lost

I’d like to preface this entry with a simple fact: I have some how angered the travel gods.

For Christmas a few friends and I decided to leave the mainland and head for a sunnier destination. In comes Sanya, Hainan, a small island off the coast of China. Joan and I left Youxian on Wednesday evening after class. In comes obstacle #1. Finding a bus. You see, getting into Youxian is as easy as finding a Starbucks in New York. Getting out of Youxian, however is a much different story. If you leave early in the day you can go to the bus station and buy a ticket. If you leave late (like we usually do), you must stand on the side of the road leaving Youxian and wait for a bus going to the town you want to go to. This is somewhat difficult because you have to match up the characters in time to flag the bus down. After 1 hour of waiting….we found the bus to Zhuzhou.

Travel gods: 0 Karli: 1

The trip to Zhuzhou was flawless for the most part - a couple of snags but all and all a success. On Thursday morning we headed to the airport. After we checked in we waited for our friends, Derek and Heather. Our flight was leaving in 1.5 hours at 11:50. Sanya here we come!!!!! Oh, wait…I forgot about the searing hatred the travel gods have for me. 11:50….12:50….12:55….1:00….2:00…nap… chocolate…2:30….3:30…3:35…fog…fog…fog…3:40…4:00….4:15…more fog…rice, cabbage and chicken balls provided by the airline….nap…fog…5:00….fog…fog…5:30…6:00…6:30…oh NEWS!!! THANK GOD! “um, sorry no flights today because of fog. Please get on this bus and we will take you to a hotel for the night…maybe you will fly out tomorrow…”

Travel gods: 1 Karli: 1

So, we were bused to a hotel, fed and put up for the night. 3:30 am: Wake up call. A woman who doesn’t speak English telling us the plane is leaving so we need to get back on the bus. Thank god Joan knows “when” and “plane” in Chinese. So, off we went! Everything went smoothly…we got on the plane and made it to beautiful Sanya! Sanya is known as China’s Hawaii. The weather was perfect and the scenery was absolutely breathtaking. After got to the hotel we headed straight to the beach. Sanya is huge tourist destination, specifically for Russians. Thus, we figure we wouldn’t be a hot commodity here. Boy ,were we wrong. Every 5 minutes someone would A) ask us if they would take a picture or B) pose for a picture with us in the background. You know when you go to the zoo and you take a picture in front of an exotic animal – like an elephant or giraffe? Yeah…we were the animals in the background. Friday was great – we swam, played volleyball (very badly), relaxed and enjoyed the beachy atmosphere. Only one really strange thing happened. That night we went to a bar and Joan and I ordered eggnog with rum. So exciting since it was Christmas Eve. We cheers-ed and took a big sip. Definitely NOT eggnog. It was egg, a bit of mil and rum. Extremely bad..Then Joan and I spent 20 minutes trying to explain in Chinese that it wasn’t what we thought it was and we wanted new drinks.

Saturday was a great day. Simple. Beach. Beer. Full body massage on the beach. Volleyball. Beer. Buried Derek in the sand and made him a mermaid with huge boobs. Then of course, I hurt myself. Someone I stepped on the one sharp rock in the water and cut my foot. For the rest of the trip and still today, I cannot walk very well. I’m basically a gimp.

Travel gods: 2 Karli: 1

Saturday night: drinks, Russian meat pie, 2 hours of Asshole and rock, paper scissor with the locals.
Sunday: Sunday morning we went kayaking and snorkeling. I’ve never done either so I was pretty excited. For your information – kayaks don’t have motors. You have to paddle. When we finished, I was so sore I literally couldn’t walk straight and because of my foot I was limping.

Travel gods : 3 Karli: 1

After that we wanted to relax. Back to the beach for another massage and a nap! So enjoyable..until…oh what, Karli is sick. Wtf! I guess I ate something not so good because at around 4 o’clcok I got really sick. No details needed - let’s just say:

Travel gods: 100 Karli: 1

And thus the trip ended…the travel gods kicked my ass (again).
Now, I get to look forward to my 5 week vacation in February…I wonder what will happen then? We could probably start a betting pool. Break a leg? Swine Flu? Trampled by elephants? Eaten by monkeys?? Robbed by a girlie boy in Thailand? Who knows…

Christmas Videos

So, for Christmas I had my students learn a few Christmas carols. The videos are absolutely adorable. Please watch them:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff-1dB6NICs Silent night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOGVZn1XUlc SC Coming to Town

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDiXOjyi5_4 Deck the Halls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYRsC6LAmG8 Deck the Halls

There are no words to describe what is written below. Just read it.

Once again, my laziness has taken me away from nurturing An Untamed Life. Sorry. But, here I am again and since I’ve been away for quite a while I have a few things to discuss, which in this case, means write down for my own selfish needs and the entertainment of the 9 people who read my blog.

First, I’ll brush over a few highlights (some good, some bad) of the past couple of months and then I’ll go into a bit more detail.

1. Missing my flight to Hong Kong and paying for a new ticket
2. Going to Hong Kong for the 2nd time
3. Visiting with my friend, Kyle in Hong Kong
4. Losing Jon in Hong Kong
5. 5 am wake up call by Brendon…looking for Jon
6. Finding a Nine West in Hong Kong
7. Maxing out my credit card (damn you Nine West)
8. Asking an old Chinese woman for sex. (obviously on accident)
9. Finding out I have 3 student loans due next month (right, like I have the money…)
10. Eating dog (without knowledge)
11. Eating pig stomach (with knowledge)
12. A short conversation with a 14 year old girl: “Ying wants you to be his girlfriend. Yes?” ME: “I don’t speak Chinese and he doesn’t speak English.” HER: “But, he loves you.”
13. Getting a back massage by said Chinese man while being told about his feelings towards me.
14. Finding brie, cheddar, pepper jack and gouda cheese
15. Buying all 3 seasons of the Tutors
16. Watching all 3 seasons of the Tutors
17. Learning how to say far in Chinese
18. Teaching about Christmas and “the Christmas man”
19. Listening to my students sing Christmas carols
20. Going to my friend Tang’s restaurant
21. Learning the Happy Birthday song in Chinese (Sheng re kuai le) and singing it to Danny
22. THE BEST AND MOST IMPORTANT HIGHLIGHT: Meeting Wen. If you’ve seen Love Actually and remember Colin Firth’s story with the Portuguese girl…yeah, that’s basically Wen and me. And no, he doesn’t speak English. And yes, I use my students as translators. (See below for further information)

Interesting list, huh?!?!

I’ve haven’t written in a while because nothing too interesting has happened. I went to Hong Kong for Thanksgiving to meet my friend Kyle. It was amazing. Unfortunately, Kyle lives in Kuwait so drinking was at the top of his list. On the bright side, Hong Kong was decked out for Christmas and I bought a nice assortment of books. Two friends from WorldTeach were also in Hong Kong so we met up with them and as the above highlights tell, we lost Jon at one point and Brendon woke me up at 5 am looking for him (and telling me quite excitedly about a 50 year old woman he was making out with.)

Upon arriving in China we were told that culture shock usually sets in about 3 or 4 months after arrival. I am very lucky to say I didn’t/haven’t experienced it as bad as some people. After Hong Kong I was a bit homesick but it only lasted a few days. Now, I’m back to my giddy self! I leave tomorrow for Sanya. Google it. It’s basically China’s Hawaii. Apparently there is a Monkey island and sometimes you actually have to peel monkeys off of your legs. That should be interesting. I’ll be spending Christmas at the beach…probably drunk…

Ok…So, here’s the story you’ve been dying to hear (I hope you aren’t literally dying though. That would be very very sad.) So, Wen Yong Ping. Where to start?? Joan and I went into a restaurant a couple of months ago and enjoyed a nice dinner. We met the boss, Tang, who speaks a little English. He is very very nice and we love the restaurant so we go there often. I noticed the first time we went in that the cooks are all young and very attractive. Well, then I saw in my opinion the most beautiful man in China. I never had the courage to talk to him so he and I was make eyes with each other. I’m sure you know what I mean when I say “make eyes.” I smile and give him my flirty face and he smiles back..blah blah blah.

So, we went in the restaurant last Friday and Tang came to sit with us. Joan and I told him we though the cooks were very cute and joan informed him that I liked one of the guys. Then, I told my friend Emma about him. She’s a student at another school and she was dying to see what he looked like. So, Sunday night we went into the restaurant after her classes. It was about 10 pm and because I was a bit nervous I got a little tipsy before we went. She started talking to one of the girls who works there and told her that I like the guy and I wanted to know how old he was. This simple question turned into the entire restaurant finding out that I was interested in the guy. When he walked over to our table this random man made us stand together because he was worried that I was taller. I am taller than most of the people here, but luckily Wen and I are about the same height. After a while he came and sat at the table with Tang and us. Emma had to translate almost everything we said to each other, but luckily I’ve learned how to flirt in Chinese. I can’t order a proper dinner in Chinese, but I can definitely flirt. Ni shuai dia le means something along the lines of you are so handsome, I’m dumbfounded. Yes….I said this to him. He responded (with Emma’s help) “you are beautiful.” And thus the evening continued.

Communication is difficult but we make it work. He texts me in broken English sometimes and I’ve learned how to type characters on my phone. Our conversations are obviously basic and usually consist of, “Hello. How are You?” “i’m fine thank you. And you? “ “I’m fine too.” This communication barrier may be a blessing in disguise. I'm now determined more than ever to learn Chinese and thus plan on spending at least 2 - 3 hours a day on Rosetta Stone. Wen is also determined to learn English. I’m leaving town for vacation, but when I come back we are supposed to go to KTV together. I’ll keep you posted as the relationship blossoms (or dies).

Until the next time....

A Chinese Rendition: The Fairytale

A few of my classes were a week ahead of all the others so I decided to do a lesson for them on fairytales. I started with the basics (which they knew) – prince, princess, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, etc. Then I asked them to create their own fairytale. Well, I got some pretty hilarious stories. See below:

MY FAVORITE: “Long long ago, in a distant land called Karleneland a prince lived in a tower. He was very sexy and beautiful. He lived with a bad dragon. The prince wasn’t allowed to go out of the tower. One million years later Duck, another prince, who was very cool and handsome found the tower and the sexy prince. He fell in love with the prince. So, Duck went to the tower and fought with the dragon. Finally, the dragon killed Duck and married the sexy prince.”
Did you think this was a mistake? Did the students mean a princess was locked in a tower? NOPE. They meant a prince. It’s a homosexual love story. Yeah…my thoughts exactly.

And another: “Long long ago in a big house a girl was born but her parents died and her grandmother was very bad. She sent the girl to an enchantress and the enchantress was also very bad. The girl became a butterfly then she met a prince. She followed the prince. The prince was very surprised because the butterfly spoke to him. She told him all of her experiences and the prince was very angry. He found the enchantress and beat her. Then the butterfly became a girl and they were married and had a very good life.

There’s more: “Long long ago a prince and princess lived together on a small island. One day the prince got hurt and a witch was him so the witch helped the handsome prince. After a month the prince got healthy. During this time the prince fell in love with the witch. At the same time the witch loved the prince very much. So, the prince dropped the princess and went to another country with the witch.

Randomosity

There are many amazing things about China. It is truly a completely different world here. The smells are different (some not so pleasant), the air is different (sometimes not so clean), the people are different, the land is different, the animals, everything. I must say though, my favorite aspect is the random, completely spontaneous things that happen. Here are a few examples:

Example 1: The week I returned from my vacation, Joan called me and said there were some teachers from another school in Youxian that wanted to take us to dinner. So, I agreed. We went to dinner with a group of random Chinese educators and were then asked to go to their school to “meet their students.” Yeah, ok. Apparently, in China “meeting the students” means walking into a class of 50 completely unprepared and asked to give a lesson about the US. After my “lecture” we were invited to ktv and dancing with the headmaster, a few teachers and a group of students. Naturally, we agreed. KTV consisted of a lot of beer, singing My Heart Will Go On (I’m now a pro) and dancing to really strange Chinese techno.

Example 2: Again, this occurred at KTV on a random night. Derek came to visit Joan and me for the weekend. We decided to at least attempt to find a cheap ktv. We walked into this hotel/ktv. When we excited the elevator there was a small group of men waiting to go into their room. I simply said “Ni hao” and then we were invited to sing with them! As it turned out, it was a group of investors who were being taken out by a Youxian government official who used to teach English. So, again we sang My Heart Will Go On and drank a lot of free beer. This was an amazing night because Noel, the government official/ex-English teacher has a daughter at my school. He is extremely nice and has offered to help Joan and me out anytime we need it. He even offered to take us to a few places around Youxian that are very famous.

Example 3: Last night. Joan and I went to dinner at a restaurant in town. We go there for 2 reasons: Joan likes the food and I like the men who cook the food. As we are eating two young guys walk up to us and start asking us about the meal. As it turned out one of the guys was the boss of the restaurant. They sat down with us for 20 minutes and in their broken English and our broken Chinese we found out what was good to eat at the restaurant, exchanged numbers and were asked to go to ktv later this week.

Revived

Well, like Oliver Twist Untamed has been abandoned for quite a while. Time to give her some water and watch her grow. I’d like to say I was busy dissolving the cultural and linguistic barriers between the U.S. and China. Or maybe that I’ve been spending all of my free time volunteering at the local orphanage. Perhaps I was studying the language of the great country I’ll be living in for the next year. I’d like to say one of these things is true. Unfortunately, the sad truth of the matter is I’ve created my own personal prison within my spider infested apartment. What keeps me locked up you may ask? The simplest answer would be copyright laws (or lack thereof). China’s inexistent copyright laws have allowed me to create an American utopia full of vampires, sex, plastic surgery and the occasional theoretical physicist (AKA True Blood, Nip Tuck, Entourage and Big Bang Theory). Furthermore, youku.com (China’s version of youtube) is another amazing example of China’s inexistent copyright laws. I can watch anything I want (currently loading Titanic). I even get to watch the CW’s Vampire Diaries. Lame, I know but I love it!

So, while I wait for Titanic to buffer I’ll take a few moments to tell the 7ish people who actually read this about my vacation. Because I am a special foreign teacher I got extra vacation days. My school was only closed for 4 days, but I was off from the 30th until the 11th. I went with a small group of people to Chengdu and Xi’an. To get to Chengdu I took a 19 hour train ride. Luckily, we had soft sleepers (the most elegant way to travel by train). It was a small room with 4 beds, a table and a love little window. I took the initiative to download the majority of season 2 of True Blood so our little posse watched 8 hours of Vampire sex, took 1 hour for dinner, and then went to sleep. We woke up in a beautiful city of 14 million people. The first moments in Chengdu were extremely scary. As we were leaving the train station I realized I didn’t have my wallet…or my passport…or my debit card…or my id…Like the idiot I am I keep everything together. So, two of us rushed back to the train praying it hadn’t left yet to search for my lost items. THANK THE LORD, after looking for a few minutes in our room someone found it. Major catastrophe avoided.

Everything about Chengdu was amazing. The weather was great, the air was (surprisingly) clean, and most importantly there were PANDAS!!! Lazy little bastards, but cute as hell. We didn’t eat much Chinese food because there was this amazing Tex Mex restaurant with real ground beef, real cheese and real margaritas. Quite pricey but totally worth it. Chengdu also has a large Tibetan population so we got to try some of their local dishes. Let me just say this: Tibetan food is absolutely heavenly. They eat a lot of Yak which is delicious. Somewhat gamey, but amazing none the less. Besides, I just like the idea of saying I ate yak.

I left Chengdu with one thought: I want to live here. Sorry, fam. Next stop, Xi’an – home of the terracotta warriors. Travel during national week is a pain in the butt. The trains are packed and it’s very difficult to get a good ticket. We were lucky enough to get hard sleepers. The train ride was 13 hours long. Hard sleepers are interesting. There are no doors or rooms in the car, only a bunch of bunk beds, 3 beds high. We all got top bunks. So, the first problem was actually getting up to the top. I’m 5’8 or 5’9 and I had to reach to even touch my bed. The Chinese people were looking at me like I was crazy because I couldn’t figure out how to get up the makeshift ladder. The major problem is that the bed is only about 2.5 feet from the ceiling. So, once you make it up the ladder you have to shimmy down the bed and just lay down the entire time because there isn’t room to sit up. Just imagine a coffin. Yeah, let me tell you that was a fun ride! Actually, it wasn’t that bad. I took some ambien and went to sleep. When I woke up at 5 am we were pulling into Xi’an.

I didn’t like Xi’an. Number 1, it rained the entire time we were there. Number 2, I was sick for the majority of the trip, and Number 3, the people kept trying to rip me off! Thus, I won’t spend much time on this portion of the vacation. I saw the terracotta warriors which I interesting for about 5 minutes. Highlight of the trip: Budweiser and Subway.

Jiubujiang National Park

So, today Joan and I decided to visit some of the local landmarks. Trip one: the bus station. I walked to the counter and asked for 2 tickets to Jiu Bu Jiang, a town about an hour from Youxian. A Youxianian (if that is what they are called) recommended the place to us. She said there was a huge lake and natural caves, etc. The ticket woman said a bunch of things which I didn’t understand, but amounted to go outside and catch the bus across the street. Somehow we actually managed to find the rickety little bus she spoke of and match up the characters. And we were off, Joan watching Firefly as I was engrossed in reading Pride and Prejudice. Oh, Darcy how I love thy. Trip 2: When we got to Jiu Bu Jiang I asked for the lake and was subsequently directed down the road. Well, apparently we are the only two people stupid enough to walk to the lake because it was about a 2 mile trek uphill. But alas, we arrived. It was absolutely breathtaking (see my pictures on Picasa). We approached a group of Chinese and asked (in broken Chinese) how much it cost for a boat tour. 80 Yuan (about 15 dollars) for a 2 hour tour on the river. For some crazy reason, we assumed there was a scheduled time that the boat departed, but as I am quickly learning schedules are simply inexistent in China. Joan and I took a romantic, private tour of the lake for 2 hours. When we returned to the dock we asked how to get to the waterfall and natural bridge. I’m still not sure what they told us, but we just kept emphasizing that we did not want to walk. After 10 minutes, we decided to give up and take our chances walking. Luck for us, they saw our distress and a man was kind enough to offer us a ride on his motorcycle. Trip 3: Now, apparently foreigners simply do not visit this town. As we crawled onto his motorcycle his friends started flashing their camera phones and treating us like we were famous. When we got back into town the man pulled over and ushered us into a small (and quite shady) shop. He then paid for a photographer to take his picture with us! And thus, our day ended.
Tomorrow another adventure when Joan and I head to the metropolis of Changsha to buy bootlegged dvds, real milk and enjoy a meal at Pizza Hut.

THE BIG F*CKING SPIDER IN MY APARTMENT

No time for typing a clever message here...and if there are grammatical mistakes or something doesn't make sense, there are a couple of reasons: 1). My hands are shaking because I have a freaking fear of freaking eight-legged freaks (aka SPIDERS). 2). I just sprayed bug spray for about 5 minutes without stopping...and it was in an enclosed space. Thus, if I get sick in the next couple of days its poisioning. OH MY GOD! I freaking hate spiders. Look how big that one is. It would not die! Its still sitting in on my floor albeit it's dead. I'm still scared to death to get near it. And where the hell did it come from? Where the hell is the whole the size of a tennis ball in my apartment that would allow such creatures to make a home with me???? I need answers! Perhaps i'm being dramatic. If you think so, F you! Spiders freak me the hell out. And this one is hairy! Do you see??? Seriously. I cannot handle this. If this is the future of my time in China, my ass is moving back to Georgia. No...New York City. In my three years in the city never once did I see a spider even close to the size of this one. Someone please check on my tomorrow...or as soon as you read this. I might be dead...For now, i'm leaving my poison filled apartment in search of a few much needed 600ml beers.

Service Project

The volunteer before me began an English library in the extra bedroom of the apartment. I have taken over this duty and would like to start a book drive in Thomasville. Currently, I have about 500 books of varying level. I’d like to get more books for the average 4th – 7th grader. The kids here love Harry Potter and other teenage series books (I think the Marked series would be good). Anything about sports would also be good. I also think it would be nice to get some English posters and/or maps for the library. If you have any ideas or would like to help me get this started in Thomasville, let me know!

Je ne sais pas

So, last night Joan and I decided to go to a bar for a few celebratory drinks. After walking around for 2 hours we realized there simply isn't a bar in Youxian. I even asked a group of Chinese men "Jiu ba zi na li? BU KTV! Wo yao pi jiu." (Translation - "Where is a bar. No karaoke. I want beer.") Apparently, to the chinese a bar means ktv because that's where they sent us. After my small nervous breakdown we decided to buy a beer on the street and get foot massages. Got the beer and went to the foot massage place, which was full. So, instead we opted to sit on the side of the road drinking our ice-cold pi jiu. Next thing we know a car of guys stops to talk to us and from the little I was able to understand, invite us to dinner. We freaked out (they actually spoke a little English!) and decided to pretend that we were French! Now, I have no idea why two French girls who only speak a little English (part of our lie) would be in Youxian, China, but we went with it. Joan and I both studied French, but neither of us could remember anything besides je parle un peu anglais and je ne sais pas.

Seeing Youxian

Originally I was to begin teaching on Monday (the 31st). As with most things Chinese, the schedule was completely unorganized so I did not begin until Wednesday (not that I am complaining about the extra days off). I got to see much of Youxian during that free time. On Monday, two friends took me to lunch and showed me the Buddhist temple in our town. It’s simply breathtaking. Only a handful of Westerners (most with WT) have seen this place, which makes it all the more majestic. Time you walk through the large wooden doors a sense of peace and easiness falls upon you. The temple is located directly above the river, which adds to its serenity.

After the temple, I was invited to lunch with one of the girls and her family. The family spoke no English but they were extremely kind and generous. Lunch was amazing and they communicated through translation how excited they were to have me in their home. I was still very tired from traveling so after lunch I returned home for a little afternoon nap. At 6:00 I met up with Joan and the same girls and we went to dinner with the other girl’s family. They too were filled with kindness. After dinner we joined the girls’ friends for KTV (karaoke). Apparently, my liaison is good friends with this family because he showed up and we sang a duet together – Edelweiss from the Sound of Music. I sang an English song with German words with my Chinese liaison.

Attack of the mei guo rens

Clearly I’ve been MIA for a while. Super sorry! Internet failure / VPN failure are a commonality in China., especially in rural Youxian. Google Youxian…you will not find much (if anything.) I suppose I should start where I left off: The last days of August & MY BIRTHDAY!!! I was worried my birthday would be depressing since I wasn’t at home with the fam and friends. However, it turned out to be one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had. Joan and I went to Zhuzhou, one of the tri-cities in Hunan. Zhuzhou is home to 11ish WTers. Somehow Joan and I managed to not only find the bus station, but to actually buy 2 tickets to Zhuzhou! I was amazed since we both lack the proper Mandarin skills. So, we were off…following the metaphorical yellow brick road. The 3 hours bus ride was very relaxing as I slept the entire time. Our first stop in Zhuzhou was McDonald’s. Ahhhhhh!!!! As we were devouring our double cheeseburgers and fries, we glanced up to see…A WESTERNER (not with WT)!!! Maybe this doesn’t sound too exciting to you, but believe me, for us it was the most exciting moment of the day. The man, Sal, was a teacher of teachers who had been living in China for 4 years. After speaking with us for a few moments, Joan told the man why we were in Zhuzhou: my birthday. Well, he made everyone in McDonald’s sing me Happy Birthday in Chinese (I actually have a video). I was mortified.
After McDonald’s we met up with some other WTers living in Zhuzhou. As it turned out there were about 15 people currently in Zhuzhou and another 15 people coming from other cities to the Birthday Bash (there were 3 birthdays that weekend). It was decided that we would go to dinner, then go bowling (yes…there is actually bowling in China), and then go to a bar or club. Dinner was amazing (dumplings and sweet and sour pork). Bowling was hysterical. Beers were too expensive so a few of us went outside to buy some beer and drink it before returning to the game. Imagine this: 6 Americans sitting at a bus stop drinking beers attempting to communicate with the locals. Yeah…
Moving on: After bowling we found a decent dance club and danced the night away…After an amazing night, Joan and I returned to beautiful Youxian to prepare for our classes.

Something New

Monday morning our amazing group of WTers said our goodbyes and departed in tears. We were each set with our liaisons to our sites. I arrived in Youxian at 9:00 pm. Its only 3 hours from Changsha, but we had to wait around Changsha for 4 hours to get some type of Foreign Expert Certification (I’m actually considered an expert!) As with all things Chinese, there was a lot of waiting and driving from one end of the government compound to the other.
The trip to Youxian was dull. I went to sleep at the sound of muted Chinese music and woke up in another world full of rice fields, dilapidated buildings, and inexistent road rules. This year is the 70th anniversary of my school, Youxian Number One Middle School. It is currently under construction and in a huge mess. It is known for its history and its beauty so I’m excited to see both (sans construction). Apparently, there are still remains from the Qing Dynasty here. For those who do not know, the Qing Dynasty was the last dynasty of China.
My apartment is a perfect size; about twice the size of my over-priced NYC apartment. It has a large bedroom, queen size rock (aka bed), a desk, a tv, a small kitchen, a separate shower room, a washer, a western toilet (its amazing the things that excited me here), a living room, and an extra bedroom which the volunteer before me turned into an English library. I also have two very good working air conditioners.

Yesterday, my first full day in Youxian, was very busy. I awoke to the sound of knocking at the door. As I opened the door I realized two important things: 1. my liaison + 4 students were waiting to come in; 2. I’m in my pjs, braless, and probably smelly (haven’t showered in a while…). After an awkward few minutes, I departed with 2 students, Suvy and Emma who showed me around town. The first experience I had was the public bus system. Basically, you get into the skeleton of a small bus from 1974 (think mediocre ACDC cover band bus), hand the old woman sitting in the front seat 1 Yuan and find an empty wood chair to sit in. The buses are not on a regular schedule and you have to flag them down if you want a ride. You also have to yell at the driver when you are ready to get off. Finally, I’ve learned another important phrase: Ting yi xia! Which means, “stop right now!” The girls took me to a few important places (including the fast food KFCesque restaurant)! After a few hours in the heat I returned to my apartment for a nap in the cool air.

Youxian is a simple, but kind place. Many people here have never seen a westerner so they gawk when I walk by. Sometimes I feel like an alien and other times I feel like a superstar. The town’s economy is on the rise so there is construction (and dust) everywhere. Many of the roads are not paved yet, but I believe most will be by the time I leave. I am lucky to have Joan here. Joan is another WTer who is at a different school, but only a few miles from me. We both had unusual and somewhat frustrating days yesterday so she came to my apartment for a refreshing TsingTao beer.

The End of a Beautiful Thing

I know everyone has been on the edge of their seats waiting for my next posting. So…without further ado, here it be:

MY LAST DAYS IN CHANGSHA

One word: Amazing.
The last few days in the capital of Hunan Province were spectacular. Orientation was lighter (I believe this is due to the death stairs and moans the directors received when informing us that we had to be in class at 8:00 am). Thus, the time was pushed back to 9:00 and we are finally able to go to da clubbbb. The best clubs I’ve found are on Walking Street (Times Square on steroids). The first club we visited was called Soho Bar. It’s basically a huge drunken rave with 6 small stage-like apparatuses complete with a stripper pole. Naturally, the entire place was filled with Chinese men and woman, except for these stripper stages which were covered in mei guo rens (Americans). As I was “shaken” it for the Chinese, a security man came over and pulled me off the stage along with a few other mei guo rens. I wasn’t sure if it was the dirty dancing or the drunken behavior but we were getting kicked out. As I danced my way outside, I was informed that a few Americans brought beer into the club so we were all getting kicked out. (For once, it was totally not my fault!!!) After 20 minutes of arguing in broken Chinese, 30+ mei guo rens left Soho Bar.

So, what to do now? Go home to our swanky hotel and start skyping with the fam? Nahhhh. A hop, skip and jump away was a similar club called Song & Song. Same raving music (some in English, some in Chinese), same strobe lights, same stripper stages, same expensive beers… The ONLY difference here was that we didn’t, I repeat, we DIDN’T get kicked out! It goes without saying that we danced the night away and unbelievably no one was late to our session the next day.

ROUND TWO:

The last night in Changsha was again, amazing. We had a banquet where one particular WTer left us with great words of wisdom that went something like, “One stick can do little, but many sticks together can build a village.” After the banquet the same inspirational WTer had a “pants off, dance off” party in his room. There are no words to describe the scene I walked into, but basically most people were drinking in robes (and obviously, without pants). Quite the little party it was. After an hour or so of watching men without pants, we departed for the infamous Song & Song. This part, for me in particular, gets a little fuzzy. I’m not quiet sure when or how we got to the club, but I do remember heading like a snake towards a gimp rabbit to the stage….where I stayed….for hours…

For many reasons which I will not discuss on a public blog this was a great night. One reason that I will mention is the McDonalds a few of us went to after the club. Like every McDo experience I’ve had in China, it was heavenly. Maybe it was the alcohol but, I don’t think I’ve ever tasted a double cheese burger so good. Three of us headed back to the hotel together and, after an hour of knocking on doors, inviting ourselves into rooms, and waking up a few unhappy WTers, we went night night.

I just had an orgasm

After a long (and somewhat hung over) day I went to McDonalds. Need I say more?

My Brush with Prostitution

After my orgasmic dinner at the Oasis, the WorldTeachers decided to go out. It was a Saturday and we had Sunday off so everyone was ready to party. Sarah, Frank and I were already feeling pretty good so we got dressed and left with 2 other people. We went to Walking Street which is Changsha’s Times Square. Everyone (all 60 WorldTeachers) decided to meet at this bar called Folk Bar. If you know me at all you know my sense of direction is absolute crap. So, naturally our little group of 5 was the only group that couldn’t find the bar. After 20 minutes of walking around we opted for a hotel with KTV (Karaoke). Karaoke is HUGE here. My friend Diane speaks a far amount of Mandarin so she was able to communicate with the people at the hotel about prices and beer. We each paid 100 Yuan (about 15 USD) for 5 hours of singing and 18 beers. We agree. What I didn’t realize was that KTV in China is COMPLETELY different from KTV in the US. In the US you go to a karaoke bar and sing in front of everyone at the bar. In China you are escorted to a private room equipped with a flat screen tv, a computer, 2 microphones, and a huge couch. One the table is fresh fruit, beer, and popcorn. You sing to your friends.

After a few hours of singing Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, and Backstreet Boys we “rehearsed” Living La Vida Loca and invaded a room of young Chinese people where Rob, Frank and I performed. Karlene – such the diva! At this point it was about 3 am and the girls were ready to go so they take a taxi home and me and the 2 guys stayed for a few more rounds.
We eventually left (although I don’t quite remember) and made it back to the hotel. Now, here comes the entertaining part. Our hotel also has a KTV on the 3rd floor. We were told specifically not to go to any other floors besides the 1st, 9th, and 11th. When we get out of the taxi there is an older gentleman standing on the sidewalk. He began to talk to us and Rob, who speaks a little Mandarin told Frank and I that the man wants us to go to the 3rd floor with him. We were all…what’s a nice way to put it….a few drinks in… so naturally we did the smart responsible thing and politely declined. Yeah, right…I wish! Let me try to describe the picture of the private room we walked into. On the couch were 3 couples. The men were all older and the women were young and very attractive. One man actually had 2 women. Ok, so my first thought was, “This is why we aren’t allowed to come to the 3rd floor – it’s a freaking brothel.” Well, whatever, we’ll sing one song and leave. While the 3 of us are looking for a song, the older man who invited us in comes and puts his hands on my hips and tries to get me to sit with him. OMG he thinks I’m a freaking prostitute!!!!!! I guess Frank and Rob were my pimps??????? I’m still a bit unclear about that… I slipped in between the 2 guys I’m with and the man backs of. Now, you may be thinking this is the perfect time for me to leave. Nooooo…We’ve just decided on a Michael Jackson song! Frank takes center stage singing and breakdancing while I stand on the side with Rob – my bodyguard. The song concludes and we abruptly leave.