Something New

Monday morning our amazing group of WTers said our goodbyes and departed in tears. We were each set with our liaisons to our sites. I arrived in Youxian at 9:00 pm. Its only 3 hours from Changsha, but we had to wait around Changsha for 4 hours to get some type of Foreign Expert Certification (I’m actually considered an expert!) As with all things Chinese, there was a lot of waiting and driving from one end of the government compound to the other.
The trip to Youxian was dull. I went to sleep at the sound of muted Chinese music and woke up in another world full of rice fields, dilapidated buildings, and inexistent road rules. This year is the 70th anniversary of my school, Youxian Number One Middle School. It is currently under construction and in a huge mess. It is known for its history and its beauty so I’m excited to see both (sans construction). Apparently, there are still remains from the Qing Dynasty here. For those who do not know, the Qing Dynasty was the last dynasty of China.
My apartment is a perfect size; about twice the size of my over-priced NYC apartment. It has a large bedroom, queen size rock (aka bed), a desk, a tv, a small kitchen, a separate shower room, a washer, a western toilet (its amazing the things that excited me here), a living room, and an extra bedroom which the volunteer before me turned into an English library. I also have two very good working air conditioners.

Yesterday, my first full day in Youxian, was very busy. I awoke to the sound of knocking at the door. As I opened the door I realized two important things: 1. my liaison + 4 students were waiting to come in; 2. I’m in my pjs, braless, and probably smelly (haven’t showered in a while…). After an awkward few minutes, I departed with 2 students, Suvy and Emma who showed me around town. The first experience I had was the public bus system. Basically, you get into the skeleton of a small bus from 1974 (think mediocre ACDC cover band bus), hand the old woman sitting in the front seat 1 Yuan and find an empty wood chair to sit in. The buses are not on a regular schedule and you have to flag them down if you want a ride. You also have to yell at the driver when you are ready to get off. Finally, I’ve learned another important phrase: Ting yi xia! Which means, “stop right now!” The girls took me to a few important places (including the fast food KFCesque restaurant)! After a few hours in the heat I returned to my apartment for a nap in the cool air.

Youxian is a simple, but kind place. Many people here have never seen a westerner so they gawk when I walk by. Sometimes I feel like an alien and other times I feel like a superstar. The town’s economy is on the rise so there is construction (and dust) everywhere. Many of the roads are not paved yet, but I believe most will be by the time I leave. I am lucky to have Joan here. Joan is another WTer who is at a different school, but only a few miles from me. We both had unusual and somewhat frustrating days yesterday so she came to my apartment for a refreshing TsingTao beer.

The End of a Beautiful Thing

I know everyone has been on the edge of their seats waiting for my next posting. So…without further ado, here it be:

MY LAST DAYS IN CHANGSHA

One word: Amazing.
The last few days in the capital of Hunan Province were spectacular. Orientation was lighter (I believe this is due to the death stairs and moans the directors received when informing us that we had to be in class at 8:00 am). Thus, the time was pushed back to 9:00 and we are finally able to go to da clubbbb. The best clubs I’ve found are on Walking Street (Times Square on steroids). The first club we visited was called Soho Bar. It’s basically a huge drunken rave with 6 small stage-like apparatuses complete with a stripper pole. Naturally, the entire place was filled with Chinese men and woman, except for these stripper stages which were covered in mei guo rens (Americans). As I was “shaken” it for the Chinese, a security man came over and pulled me off the stage along with a few other mei guo rens. I wasn’t sure if it was the dirty dancing or the drunken behavior but we were getting kicked out. As I danced my way outside, I was informed that a few Americans brought beer into the club so we were all getting kicked out. (For once, it was totally not my fault!!!) After 20 minutes of arguing in broken Chinese, 30+ mei guo rens left Soho Bar.

So, what to do now? Go home to our swanky hotel and start skyping with the fam? Nahhhh. A hop, skip and jump away was a similar club called Song & Song. Same raving music (some in English, some in Chinese), same strobe lights, same stripper stages, same expensive beers… The ONLY difference here was that we didn’t, I repeat, we DIDN’T get kicked out! It goes without saying that we danced the night away and unbelievably no one was late to our session the next day.

ROUND TWO:

The last night in Changsha was again, amazing. We had a banquet where one particular WTer left us with great words of wisdom that went something like, “One stick can do little, but many sticks together can build a village.” After the banquet the same inspirational WTer had a “pants off, dance off” party in his room. There are no words to describe the scene I walked into, but basically most people were drinking in robes (and obviously, without pants). Quite the little party it was. After an hour or so of watching men without pants, we departed for the infamous Song & Song. This part, for me in particular, gets a little fuzzy. I’m not quiet sure when or how we got to the club, but I do remember heading like a snake towards a gimp rabbit to the stage….where I stayed….for hours…

For many reasons which I will not discuss on a public blog this was a great night. One reason that I will mention is the McDonalds a few of us went to after the club. Like every McDo experience I’ve had in China, it was heavenly. Maybe it was the alcohol but, I don’t think I’ve ever tasted a double cheese burger so good. Three of us headed back to the hotel together and, after an hour of knocking on doors, inviting ourselves into rooms, and waking up a few unhappy WTers, we went night night.

I just had an orgasm

After a long (and somewhat hung over) day I went to McDonalds. Need I say more?

My Brush with Prostitution

After my orgasmic dinner at the Oasis, the WorldTeachers decided to go out. It was a Saturday and we had Sunday off so everyone was ready to party. Sarah, Frank and I were already feeling pretty good so we got dressed and left with 2 other people. We went to Walking Street which is Changsha’s Times Square. Everyone (all 60 WorldTeachers) decided to meet at this bar called Folk Bar. If you know me at all you know my sense of direction is absolute crap. So, naturally our little group of 5 was the only group that couldn’t find the bar. After 20 minutes of walking around we opted for a hotel with KTV (Karaoke). Karaoke is HUGE here. My friend Diane speaks a far amount of Mandarin so she was able to communicate with the people at the hotel about prices and beer. We each paid 100 Yuan (about 15 USD) for 5 hours of singing and 18 beers. We agree. What I didn’t realize was that KTV in China is COMPLETELY different from KTV in the US. In the US you go to a karaoke bar and sing in front of everyone at the bar. In China you are escorted to a private room equipped with a flat screen tv, a computer, 2 microphones, and a huge couch. One the table is fresh fruit, beer, and popcorn. You sing to your friends.

After a few hours of singing Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, and Backstreet Boys we “rehearsed” Living La Vida Loca and invaded a room of young Chinese people where Rob, Frank and I performed. Karlene – such the diva! At this point it was about 3 am and the girls were ready to go so they take a taxi home and me and the 2 guys stayed for a few more rounds.
We eventually left (although I don’t quite remember) and made it back to the hotel. Now, here comes the entertaining part. Our hotel also has a KTV on the 3rd floor. We were told specifically not to go to any other floors besides the 1st, 9th, and 11th. When we get out of the taxi there is an older gentleman standing on the sidewalk. He began to talk to us and Rob, who speaks a little Mandarin told Frank and I that the man wants us to go to the 3rd floor with him. We were all…what’s a nice way to put it….a few drinks in… so naturally we did the smart responsible thing and politely declined. Yeah, right…I wish! Let me try to describe the picture of the private room we walked into. On the couch were 3 couples. The men were all older and the women were young and very attractive. One man actually had 2 women. Ok, so my first thought was, “This is why we aren’t allowed to come to the 3rd floor – it’s a freaking brothel.” Well, whatever, we’ll sing one song and leave. While the 3 of us are looking for a song, the older man who invited us in comes and puts his hands on my hips and tries to get me to sit with him. OMG he thinks I’m a freaking prostitute!!!!!! I guess Frank and Rob were my pimps??????? I’m still a bit unclear about that… I slipped in between the 2 guys I’m with and the man backs of. Now, you may be thinking this is the perfect time for me to leave. Nooooo…We’ve just decided on a Michael Jackson song! Frank takes center stage singing and breakdancing while I stand on the side with Rob – my bodyguard. The song concludes and we abruptly leave.

We Use Salt, They Use Pepper

Hunan, China is best known for its spicy food. I am best known for not liking spicy food. Quite the match, if I do say so myself. Now, before discussing the food, I want to make one thing clear. When I say spicy, I’m not referring to Applebee’s Spicy chicken wings. That would be……heavenly. This food is made with the hottest peppers created by nature, then multiplied to the 10th power. The very first Hunan meal I had was some type of spicy cabbage and meat mixed together. Two problems: 1. I have NEVER used a chopstick in my life; 2. To reiterate, I don’t like spicy food. After 48 hours from flying, I was delirious and still a little out of it from the 2 beers and ambien. Luckily, this meal was eaten in our hotel rooms so only my roommate saw my inability to conquer chopsticks and my crying eyes. Shortly after, I passed out on the rock, which here is commonly referred to as a bed.

In the almost 20 days I’ve been in Changsha, I am very proud to report that I do in fact like spicy food and that I did master the chopstick. I can even eat rice and noodles with chopsticks!!! I have yet to use a fork for a single meal and I have only once ventured to the KFC down the street. I am also somewhat disappointed to report that I will NEVER return to the KFC because it is absolutely disgusting, but live and learn I supposed. The chicken vender across the street from the school on the other hand is absolutely amazing. The simplest way to describe this place is as a “walk-up drive-through.” It isn’t a restaurant, nor is it a cart. It’s basically a window with pictures printed from the KFC website. I usually get the chicken sandwich (which actually comes with mayo mixed with some type of hot sauce). It costs about 60 cents US or (4 Yuan/Kuai).
Breakfast is by far one of the most delicious meals here. It’s all fried, of course, so I only eat breakfast every few days. The most common breakfast food is bao zi. It’s an extremely thick role (all yeast here is thick because of the humidity, I’m guessing) stuffed with either pork or veggies. These cost about 1 yuan or 15 cents. My personal favorite is this fried pancake thing with onions and scallions on the inside. Best freaking food ever – and it’s probably about 10 cents.

BEST MEAL STORY THUS FAR:

Our lunch is provided by WorldTeach and for the first week they also provided dinner. Most restaurants have the same setup. It’s a large round table that seats 8ish people. On the table is a Lazy Susan on which they place about 10 different dishes for us to pick and choose from. Most often, the meal consists of tofu, cooked pieces of eggplants and green beans, a spicy meat dish, a fish (whole), shredded potatoes, some type of egg and tomato dish, and of course, white rice. Since most meals were provided by WorldTeach for the first week, I never had to attempt to order. On the first night we were sent out on our own most volunteers went to dinner with their Chinese teachers. Most – excluding me, and two of my friends. We are all horrible at Chinese. We walked around for about 20 minutes trying to find a restaurant and finally decided on an empty, but clean looking place with a neon sign (if you can afford glowing lights, the food can’t be that bad right?) We are given menus in Chinese characters, but luckily, we all had our handy food sheets which list the names of dishes in English, Pinyin, and Chinese characters. The 3 women working at the restaurant were looking over our shoulders helping us try to pick dishes they actually had. This went on for 20 minutes. I would ask for something, they would repeat, laugh and say it properly. As we were attempting to order the owners little boy (probably 6) was standing right next to my friend, Frank, just staring at him. This continued throughout the meal. He never once spoke. He just stared. We finally ordered 3 dishes which shared. 1. Cumin beef – simple; 2. Egg and scallion omelet – simple; 3. ?????. Ok, so we weren’t quiet sure what the 3rd thing we ordered was going to be but, what the hell right? So…we get our meat, our omelet and our rice…So far we are LOVING the meal. That omelet – freaking amazing. As we are discussing this “oasis” we have discovered, they bring the final dish. It’s a bowl of chicken bones and kelp. Yes, kelp. It was kelp soup. These weren’t little slivers of kelp; each piece was about 3 inches wide and 6 inches long. Let me just tell you, if you EVER have the opportunity to eat kelp DO IT! Freaking amazing!!!!!

So while we are enjoying our meal the little boy is still staring at Frank, the workers keep coming to our table speaking a language we clearly don’t understand, I keep pulling out my notebook from Chinese class, which makes the women laugh more and Frank and Sarah cannot stop laughing at me because apparently my southern drawl mixed with my slow Mandarin is hilarious. Over the course of 2 hours – which was how long it took us – it became a custom that when anyone in the restaurant saw me pull out my bright pink notebook, they ran over to read my Pinyin. It was really great because they practiced the tones with me, which of course I never understood. By the end of our meal the restaurant was a little busier. In particular, there was a large group of women seated behind us and a random heavy set man without a shirt eating rice from the street. He wasn’t sitting down or anything, he was just standing by our table watching us and every now and then saying something in Chinese to or about us. It was clear that we were all enjoying each others company even without a common language. Of course, we kept trying to communicate but it was practically impossible. That day, in Chinese class we learned a new phrase that my dear friend, Frank decided to try out: “We are foreign devils.” This might not sound very funny, but to the Chinese it was hilarious. Every person in the restaurant burst into laughter. The old man (the one without the shirt) laughed for 10 minutes. So after 2 hours of attempting to communicate and enjoying a few beers and some bi jiu (rice liquor – which tastes a little like rubbing alcohol) we departed the restaurant dubbed, “the Oasis.”

(Not) Speaking Mandarin

My mandarin is atrocious. Of course, it is my fault. I spent 250 USD on Rosetta Stone to leave the icon untouched on my computer. But, it is my opinion that ignorance is the only thing that truly allows one to experience a place or a culture. (OK, maybe that’s BS, but it makes me feel a little better). Simple phases like goodbye (zai jian) and thank you (xie xie) are seemingly difficult. I go to the same store everyday to get water, tea, and other goodies. The people who work there are amazingly kind but the old woman always laughs and repeats what I say. It is funny no doubt; I just wonder what I’m really saying. Damn tonal languages. Money, well, thank Buddha the Chinese I’ve met are honest. I’m still finding it difficult to understand the numbers and most will help me figure it out – and actually give me the correct change back! At one store in particular, I couldn’t understand the change I owed. A woman behind me actually walked up and sorted my money for me, giving the cashier the correct amount. Naturally, everyone was laughing (including myself). I can now properly say about 5 phrases including: “I want an iced coffee,” and “I am a foreign devil.” Not entirely useful, but it’s a start.

What the F is Going on?

As it is my 18th day in China and I am just now adding my first (hopefully) of many entries into the international world of blogging I think the hectic nature of “orientation” aka “the 7th level of Dante’s hell” is obvious. I am a blogging virgin, but I will try my best to keep my entries up to date, if for nothing else to give the 1 or 2 people reading them a good laugh for the day.
Exhaustion has become more common than the squat toilets I am forced to hover over (an entry will be dedicated to this specific topic) and air condition is NOT a condition found in Hunan, China. Besides the lack of sleep, toilets, and central air, the best way to describe my experience thus far would be unexpectedly comical. I have never laughed so much, nor have I ever been laughed at so much in my life. My dry humor and unique facial expressions have become quite the hit. I have titled this first entry “what the f is going on?” because, well, it’s the most common phrase that slips out of my mouth.